Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Rant, A Rave, an..AH HA Moment

This blog has been neglected... my artwork has been neglected.. seems like the days just keep spinning madly out of control and at an extremely high rate of speed. How did it get to be this time of year all ready? The fall mushroms are out, velvet is falling of the antlers, good Lord, elderberries are ripe and autumn olive berries are turning quickly. Where have the last few months gone?

Anyone who's been forced to spend much time with me at all of late knows I've been unsettled, out of sorts, crappy and snappy and just plain unpleasant. Something some ephemeral thing has been wearing on me and until yesterday I just couldn't seem to quite figure it out.

I've been so tired.
Endlessly, horribly, exhausted. Okay fine I can blame that on the MS we all know that MS produces mind and body numbing fatigue. I've been fighting of what seems like one infection after another. I have not felt balanced.
I have not felt at peace.
Time to call in the yaya sisters.
You know the YA YAs - that group of friends that are alternately medicine women, tribal council, laugh your head off at the silliness that life brings, the eat chocolate at midnight crew. The kind of friends that aren't afraid to be painfully honest and apply the proverbial foot to the fanny when needed.

" My mojo is MIA" I whined.. "it's work is  uh yeah technically fine but something is missing. My writing just gets further behind. I thought this newfound success as an outdoor photo journalist was supposed to make me happier. It's not." To prove how much it wasn't I wolfed down yet one more bag of M and M's.

With a vengence.

The chorus of  "Well Duh"  was lightning fast. Gently the yayas helped me realize that what I was really unsettled about was that business was now taking a front seat, and creativity was taking a back seat, and for a sensitive artiste like myself that just wasn't going to work.
The yayas also pointed out not so gently that I have no moderation gene - it's WFO all the time with everything. "SLOW DOWN" they chanted.
They even had the nerve to point out that I had to deal with a chronic a disease and advancing age.
(Advancing age? Don't they know that 50 is the new 30? )

So what the heck am I to do about all of this I whined.  I also ate more chocolate. M and M's really should be considered medicinal in some instances.

It's simple my wise friend Missy pointed out - Go back and cut back. Pick two or three of the places that you like writing for the most - do your best for them. Go back to getting up before dawn and blasting out the door to the woods or the fields or wherever it is you go instead of dealing with the desk work. Go freaking wander!

Seems that according to the yayas what I do best is wander, and then come back and play show and tell. So, starting today I'm adjusting my schedule, I'm going back, I'm cutting back and let's see how this works out.

I'd share more but hey I need to go wander!


Deb said...

It's good to see you back here...hope you get to feeling better, but Yes I think cutting back on things might be a good idea, although I know it's probably hard deciding just what has to go. Enjoy that wandering! :)

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